When I was a little girl my grandmother would tell me that after a rainy day, a rainbow would appear to show us the beauty a storm can bring. It wasn’t until the day she passed away that I truly understood her words in all their entirety. 

I remember that day like a movie I had watched on repeat. I awoke to the sound of rain drops on the steel roof of my grandmothers house in Sinaloa, Mexico. I had arrived the night before due to my grandmothers diminishing health. And that morning as I walked into the open setting living room with dirt floors, I saw her white casket and refused to come any closer.

As an eight year old I knew death all to well and was not willing to accept that it was my grandmother lying in that box. So for the rest of the day I sat in her favorite chair where she used to sit to watch the rain showers come and go. 

But not long after, it was time to go to her church service. This wouldn’t be the first time I saw a dead body but it was a tragic moment. One by one each of my family members went to say their goodbyes, then it was my turn. With no hesitation, I told my mother I was not going to see her! But my mother decided to carry me over there and hold me over her casket. I instantly screamed and could not stop my crying. 

To this day I thank my mother for her great push because I know I would have regretted not saying goodbye to one of the most influential people in my life. On our way back from the ceremony, I looked up into the almost clear sky and saw a rainbow surrounding the sun. This was her farewell and it couldn’t have been sweeter. 

I knew that no matter the storms I would endure in life, there would always be a rainbow in the end validating my struggle and my grandmothers presence. 

To: Abuelita Aurelia. 

I myself understand that I am composed of a million different little cells that contain earthly materials. Just like every thing that came from the earth, I believe, I also came from the earth and the galaxies that surround me. 

Many spend their entire lifetimes searching for their ‘creator’. And often times when religion has failed them they turn to alternative practices. For inexplicable reasons, people become coerced into joining a community where one man has deemed himself to be the Messiah.  

In the 1950s Jim Jones created the People’s Temple in Indiana. In his weekly sermons, Jones would preach only his word to his “children” (what he called his followers). The messages would routinely consist of demoralizing the Catholic and Christian church while proving his loyalty to his people. Overtime Jones developed such a strong manipulative persona, he was able to round up over 800 followers. And soon after they would follow him to Jonestown, an area in Guyana he had made into his own town. 

In Jonestown, his people worked all day and the time that wasn’t spent working was considered Jones’ time. Their living conditions were below par yet they still believed their father would provide everything they needed. Not much to their amazement, they began routine drills where the followers were tested on loyalty. Jones would call his “children” to the area where they listened to his sermons and would begin explaining how he was going to free them. Then after his speach the people were instructed to drink something that would “free them”, this meaning to be killed.

And on one fateful day, 900 of his followers once again agreed to drink the Kool-Aid and were unaware that it contained cyanide. So after a harsh life full of faith in one person, they died a fateful death.

There has to be a reason why so many people agreed to do such a thing. How could a sick and addicted man like Jim Jones pull off such a mass suicide. Often when we are surrounded by a community of people who have one certain belief, we are too afraid to stray from what they find expectable that we stay quiet in the midst of things like these.

Author Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn tells about a day in the life of a prisoner in a labor camp in Siberia, Russia named Ivan Denisovich. The end of the story depicts Ivan’s feelings about his day being “almost happy.”

This book will forever be my favorite book because of the sense of gratitude it gives me about my current life situations. No matter what they might be.

Throughout the story, Ivan finds small pieces of joy throughout his day that aren’t always available. Whether it is being able to sneak a second helping of food for lunch or finding a piece of scrap metal that he could eventually use to make a knife out of.

To most, this wouldn’t seem like a good day in any way but out of 3,653 days serving time in a Siberian prison camp his day was almost happy. Although he worked outdoors in freezing conditions with clothes that barely fit him he was able to avoid the even worse work assignments.

We all have expectations in life we are so eager to uphold so we are easy to dismiss the small happy occurrences that happen on a daily basis. Maybe if we began to compare our days with this one ‘almost happy day’ of Denisovich’s then we would no longer have ruined expectations. Instead, every day of life would be felt like a blessing.

 

Solzhenit︠s︡yn, Aleksandr Isaevich, 1918-2008. One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich. New York: Dutton & Co. Inc., 1963. Print.

Others emotions paralyze me.

 

So into my bedroom, I must flee.

 

In my room is where I long to be.

 

Though it isn’t much.

 

The stars on the ceiling know me,

 

for me…

 

Ms. Anxiety.

 

By, L.E.E.

When I first read the article “Living With Social Anxiety Disorder” by Kirstin Fawcett, I thought it was about time someone figured out what the heck it feels like to live with social anxiety. Kirstin refers to Angelo Andreatos who was clinically diagnosed with an anxiety disorder in 2014.  Andreatos describes his anxiety as an extreme sense of fear when it comes to going places where he knows will be highly populated. Angelo described not being able to enter public restrooms and feeling so worried about the unknown that he stayed home most of the time.

Although this may be a valid interpretation of someone’s experience with a social anxiety disorder, I felt a strong reaction to the statements that were made in the article.

I  struggle with social anxiety disorder and have known of my “disorder” since I was in high school. I feel like this article makes others see those with anxiety as people who hide indoors to avoid all the scary aspects of life when my view of this disorder is much different.

I see my social anxiety as something I have to learn to combat. I have certain triggers that bring me to this overwhelming, overthinking state of anxiety. Yet with all the triggers, I have to learn how to just deal with it. In this society those with mental disorders aren’t given a break we are expected to carry on life’s day to day challenges.

If I had to explain anxiety to anyone I would simply say it’s like drowning internally but still keeping a smile on your face so no one knows.

Mt. Rainier National Park. 

I grew up in Yakima, WA. My most cherished memories are of going camping at Mt. Rainier. I have a big family with over 6 families, each with more than two children. We used to go up to Mount Rainier to a campground called Ohanapecosh, here we spent most days swimming and hiking and once the sun fell we made the biggest campfires.

I to this day crave that natural setting; being able to see every single star in the sky, smelling the pine from the pine trees and observing the red crackling fire in the still night. There’s nothing in the world that gives me more freedom than being in the forest where I feel at peace and at one with myself.

While visiting Mt. Rainier National Park this summer I snapped this picture of the giant mountain I so loved. This picture shows me just how small I and all my problems really are. I take all my many blessings for granted when worrying about small details I cannot change.

 

 

 

Photo credit:  Laury Estrella

In science they call response: ‘a change in an organism’s environment that causes the organism to react.’

Accepting change is the hardest process to overcome. Even though it’s constantly happening.

In my case I react to every change in my life, no matter small or large.

When I do react though, it’s more in an effort to stop the change.

I wonder why we as humans are so nervous of a change.

Maybe, we fear it may jeopardize what we already have.

Instead of thinking about what we may benefit from it.

In most cases change is exactly what you need.

If you aren’t uncomfortable, you aren’t progressing.

 

Laury Estel Estrella was born in Yakima, Washington in the middle of a February blizzard, she knows this because she’s been asking questions and demanding answers ever since she could remember. Laury is a determined college student whose focus is to one day become a social worker so she can help those in need, defy all the odds set against them as she has. Being that she was raised by her independent mother, she is a proud Daughter, and supporting sister to her two older siblings as well as a caring mommy to her 100 pound German shepherd named Creed. A few things that hold her interest are writing, art and music, she has played string instruments for over 10 years and finds that other than writing, playing her violin is the only thing that allows her to express her emotions.